Out of all misery...

I had a friend, and he got power over me by not setting any boundaries. For example, I would ask something of him, nothing really huge or important, just something ordinary, and he would ignore it. That would make me ask again, after a while, and he would either ignore it again, or feel forced to act, which he would let me know straight away. In both cases, I would start to suffer.
Most of the time, with him having ignored me again, I would wait. And wait. And wait, or maybe ask a third time, but wait nevertheless. All the time.
Then, when ever we met, he would call me demanding, and I would step right into actually being demanding, while trying to defend myself that I wasn't, if I just did not want to be totally ignored. He, on the other hand, would only see that I was demanding, but never see that he was ignoring me, and what that did to me.
That vicious circle, of course, would torture me beyond measure, mostly because I would feel the injustice of his accusation.
If he had not ignored me, but said: No!, or even told me to leave him alone, even if he had said he would not want to be friends with me anymore, and to leave him alone altogether - of course, I would have been devastated for a while, but my pain would have been as limited as the boundaries he would have set.
Being rejected is not as bad as being ignored - or being called demanding. Being ignored may be seen as rejection unlimited, just as being called demanding can be an ultimate insult.



© 2011