"Die Wahrheit ist doch viel deprimierender: Sie sind bei Weitem nicht so schlau, um so böse zu sein wie ihr vermutet."
Silvester 2021
Thursday, January 29. 2015
Attention Required
For a friend of mine of Anglo-Saxon language acquisition, I translated a chapter of a story I enjoy reading and listening to at the moment, written and performed by a German comedian called Marc-Uwe Kling. I believe there is no English translation yet, but as everyone will see, there should be.
Introduction: Marc-Uwe is living with an inmate, some animal of Australian origin. And as if he was Plato (or was it Aristotle? or Ulysses?) he talks to this animal discussing immensely important issues.
Chapter 20
ROBBIE WILLIAMS
"Robbie William's got eighteen tattoos, and among them two swallows that are both pointing at his penis if it is errected", I say.
"What?", asks the Kangaroo.
"It's a play on words pricked with needles", I say.
"Hey?", asks the Kangaroo.
"Y'don't understand?", I ask. "Swallow..."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"No. That's not the right question. It should be: Why do I know this?", I say. "I'm not interested in Robbie Williams, not in his music, nor his private affairs, and least of all in intimately dirty details of his raggery. Why do I know this? I don't want to know this!"
"Neither do I", the Kangaroo says.
"Did you know that Bud Spencer was a professional swimmer in his youth?"
"'’f course", the Kangaroo says. "Didn't he even make Silver at the Olympic Games?"
"No. In Helsinki he got the chop having reached rank 5. In Melbourne he only ranked eleventh."
"Were you bored?" the Kangaroo asks. "Did you google around again?"
"About 70% of all queries of youngsters on Yahoo Germany are carried out in order to find Google", I say.
"I hope, I'm gonna forget this straight away!" the Kangaroo says.
"No chance!", I say. "You rather forget your master plan for the world revolution. This shit you will be able to remember! Remember last Sunday?" (We had played Trivial Pursuit, and the Kangaroo had made a fool of itself because it knew the right answer to the question: What's the name of Michael Schumacher's wife?)
"Why can't I remember my grandmother's first name, but I do remember all the names of Angelina Jolie's adopted kids? Yea, yea, I must have read it somewhere. But I read a lot of stuff somewhere. I would have prefered to remember other stuff, f.e. who borrowed my MP3 player."
The Kangaroo remains silent.
"In Texas, it is forbidden to spray graffiti on third party cows", I say. "If cows eat too many carrots their milk turns pink. There are pink dolphins living in the river Amazon. Dolphins are able to recognise themselves in a mirror. Up to now, the magazin "Spiegel" ( which is "mirror" in German) had 46 times Hitler on its cover. The most commonly covered song of all times is "Yesterday" by the Beatles. "Yesterday" is the favourite song of..."
"Stop!" the Kangaroo cries. "I can actually feel important knowledge being driven out of my brain!"
"And there's more", I say. "The information waste industry developed such a perfidious, slyly-clever system... you would have to admire it if you weren't stuck inside it. Yes, of course! We've got freedom of press. Super! No censorship! Marvelous! But it is unnecessary, because for the important news, the really interesting news you will be searching in vain in this information dump. Only if you go back a few steps and have a good look on the whole dump you will realise just a tiny little truth: this is a dump! And then you read that Germany's freedom must be defended at the Hindu Kush, and you might as well think that's a little weird. And you ask yourself: Is it mount Brocken or mount Zugspitze at Hindu Kush? But everything you once knew is gone from your brain, and all you can remember are the names of Angelina's adopted kids and the live broadcast of the wedding of two nobles who's ancestors unfortunately escaped the revolution... and then you will swallow it, you will swallow everything.. that longer working hours will ..."
"Scuse me", the Kangaroo says. "But I would be allowed to spray my own cows, or what?"
Here and there a little loosely translated from “Die Känguru-Chroniken” by Marc-Uwe Kling. All rights reserved by their owners. By the way, learn German, and buy the book! You would have missed something if you didn’t!
© 2015
Introduction: Marc-Uwe is living with an inmate, some animal of Australian origin. And as if he was Plato (or was it Aristotle? or Ulysses?) he talks to this animal discussing immensely important issues.
Chapter 20
ROBBIE WILLIAMS
"Robbie William's got eighteen tattoos, and among them two swallows that are both pointing at his penis if it is errected", I say.
"What?", asks the Kangaroo.
"It's a play on words pricked with needles", I say.
"Hey?", asks the Kangaroo.
"Y'don't understand?", I ask. "Swallow..."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"No. That's not the right question. It should be: Why do I know this?", I say. "I'm not interested in Robbie Williams, not in his music, nor his private affairs, and least of all in intimately dirty details of his raggery. Why do I know this? I don't want to know this!"
"Neither do I", the Kangaroo says.
"Did you know that Bud Spencer was a professional swimmer in his youth?"
"'’f course", the Kangaroo says. "Didn't he even make Silver at the Olympic Games?"
"No. In Helsinki he got the chop having reached rank 5. In Melbourne he only ranked eleventh."
"Were you bored?" the Kangaroo asks. "Did you google around again?"
"About 70% of all queries of youngsters on Yahoo Germany are carried out in order to find Google", I say.
"I hope, I'm gonna forget this straight away!" the Kangaroo says.
"No chance!", I say. "You rather forget your master plan for the world revolution. This shit you will be able to remember! Remember last Sunday?" (We had played Trivial Pursuit, and the Kangaroo had made a fool of itself because it knew the right answer to the question: What's the name of Michael Schumacher's wife?)
"Why can't I remember my grandmother's first name, but I do remember all the names of Angelina Jolie's adopted kids? Yea, yea, I must have read it somewhere. But I read a lot of stuff somewhere. I would have prefered to remember other stuff, f.e. who borrowed my MP3 player."
The Kangaroo remains silent.
"In Texas, it is forbidden to spray graffiti on third party cows", I say. "If cows eat too many carrots their milk turns pink. There are pink dolphins living in the river Amazon. Dolphins are able to recognise themselves in a mirror. Up to now, the magazin "Spiegel" ( which is "mirror" in German) had 46 times Hitler on its cover. The most commonly covered song of all times is "Yesterday" by the Beatles. "Yesterday" is the favourite song of..."
"Stop!" the Kangaroo cries. "I can actually feel important knowledge being driven out of my brain!"
"And there's more", I say. "The information waste industry developed such a perfidious, slyly-clever system... you would have to admire it if you weren't stuck inside it. Yes, of course! We've got freedom of press. Super! No censorship! Marvelous! But it is unnecessary, because for the important news, the really interesting news you will be searching in vain in this information dump. Only if you go back a few steps and have a good look on the whole dump you will realise just a tiny little truth: this is a dump! And then you read that Germany's freedom must be defended at the Hindu Kush, and you might as well think that's a little weird. And you ask yourself: Is it mount Brocken or mount Zugspitze at Hindu Kush? But everything you once knew is gone from your brain, and all you can remember are the names of Angelina's adopted kids and the live broadcast of the wedding of two nobles who's ancestors unfortunately escaped the revolution... and then you will swallow it, you will swallow everything.. that longer working hours will ..."
"Scuse me", the Kangaroo says. "But I would be allowed to spray my own cows, or what?"
Here and there a little loosely translated from “Die Känguru-Chroniken” by Marc-Uwe Kling. All rights reserved by their owners. By the way, learn German, and buy the book! You would have missed something if you didn’t!
© 2015
Tuesday, August 12. 2014
Quiet Departure
a face so special
a voice unique
at eighty-nine
a graceful leave
August 12, 2014
To Lauren Bacall, a lady Lionel Richie could have written "Three Times a Lady" for.
a voice unique
at eighty-nine
a graceful leave
August 12, 2014
To Lauren Bacall, a lady Lionel Richie could have written "Three Times a Lady" for.
Monday, August 11. 2014
QUOTE: Where everything else must fail
ROBIN WILLIAMS (Mork and Mindy): "I don't know how much value I have in this universe but I do know that I made a few people happier than they would have been without me. And as long as I know that, I'm as rich as I ever need to be."
JASON ALEXANDER: "Ah Robin, I'm so sorry the earth couldn't stay worthy of you. Hope happiness awaits you."
JASON ALEXANDER: "Ah Robin, I'm so sorry the earth couldn't stay worthy of you. Hope happiness awaits you."
(Page 1 of 4, totaling 16 entries)
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