Out of all misery... - 2

Die schönsten Geschichten schreibt bekanntlich das Leben. Urlaub in Marokko. Ein Freund von mir hatte sich ein Auto geliehen und passte sich den ortsüblichen Verkehrsteilnehmern an ohne dabei auf Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzungen zu achten. Nach einigen Kilometern jedoch wurde er aus einem Pulk an Fahrzeugen von der Polizei rausgewunken und bekam mitgeteilt, dass er 300 Dirham wegen Überschreitung des erlaubten Tempos zu zahlen habe. Missmutig überreichte er das Geld, umgerechnet etwa 30 Euro.
Plötzlich fragte der Polizist unvermittelt: "Bayern München? "
Der Freund schüttelte energisch den Kopf: "Eintracht Frankfurt!"
Daraufhin gab der Polizist ihm die 300 Dirham zurück und ließ ihn weiterfahren. Die Eintracht war offenbar die richtige Währung.

Have you ever asked yourself why, after all, your system is still running? I always do that - watching House M.D.

I swear I can feel my blood running through my veins. And through my arteries, for that matter.
I can hear my heart beat. Much too fast.
I feel a little dizzy. No wonder!
I am definitely sure that I caught some nasty desease, something that cannot be cured, and it is not lupus.

What will I do, where will I find help, since there is no real House M.D.?

But in the other hand, would I really want to be his patient? The term's literal meaning is taking on a whole new dimension. And I am not the right person to cope with his kind of patience. I would rather die.

This is eventually going to happen.
Sooner or later.


© 2015
to dream

Have you ever experienced a moment where your brain gave orders your body would refuse to follow? Wait. It begins a long time before that.

I remember getting more and more astonished looks because I had started asking for, even demanding more definite decisions, and solutions, too. I could not bear it any longer that not even the simple things in life, the obvious ones, were to be ticked off and settled.

Then I just functioned for a while, out of habit I suppose, and it felt like diving without knowing when to be able to breath in again.
After a while I convinced myself, that nothing really mattered, and that especially I myself would not be able to make an impact, whatever I tried.
As soon as my brain had manifested that idea, there was an answer. So why do anything at all, my system replied. And it shut down.

The symptoms could only be physical, I thought, because I could hardly be a person for a psychological disorder. I am outspoken, energetic, humorous, and very emotional. Depression is an illness that obviously does not affect me. Since this is one of at least ten myths about mental health problems, I walked right into dyspnea, anxiety, and panic attacks. To me, they were nothing but the actual collapse of my organs.

When I really dealt with my problems, I had to learn and understand that it was a real illness after all I was facing, even if not physical, and that it was no use to get a grip, or a move on. I also realised that my condition was no one's fault, and that there was still a way to recover - if I found it. Talking about not being able to take pressure!

Despite all the terrors and fears, I had to find a meaning in life, so often talked and joked about, and so little understood. The ultimate question, and 42 will just not do, at all times.

We do have a few desperate options to cope with this question, such as religious faith, or drugs, or political extremism, which might be all the same thing, if you think it through to the end.

So in the end, there is one question you torture yourself with, constantly - and this is beyond, even despite having success, and love, and family and friends: "Is this all?"

So this is the truth, once and for all: We are lost. A vast universe, and all we really know is that we are lost. So therefore, all we really have in life is life itself, and if it is taken, than there is nothing.
This implies a massive responsibility for life, every life, and for ourselves.

We can only cope with life as long as we endure these facts. And we will have to do that in our own way.



©

Despite expectations, I am not on facebook, do not follow twitter, nor do I blog on tumblr, and I don't even connect via Google. I hardly play any games on my computer and none on my mobile. I also have no mobile internet and therefore cannot send or receive apps, mms or pictures. My Bluetooth is mostly deactivated, and I have no intercom or handsfree set. I do not like 3D, do not need HD, and I will not give in to Blue-ray either. I do not read ebooks and do not own a fax machine.

And finally: I hardly ever watch TV or listen to the radio.

I do watch films or series on DVD. I do go to the cinema now and then. I do read many books, and a selected few papers and magazines. I draw sometimes and listen to music. I love to listen to audiobooks. I write.
I do talk on the phone. I write e-mails, but I also send letters and postcards.
I play cards and other games.

One thing at a time.

There are still some of us left.