Sunday, April 11. 2010
Ever so Sorry
I have to admit it. I have always the same dream, lately. I step out of that plane, after many, many hours. My feet touch the ground, and I feel like the first man on the moon, but the other way round. “That's one small step for mankind, but one giant leap for me.”
So I walk a little insecure and pass all those time-consuming security rituals as if I was sedated. And then I'm finally allowed to leave the hall of arrival. I step out at a side entrance because there is a long queue at the usual exit, and one security person has opened up a second gate. I walk around the corner to the other exit while looking at all those people that watch the exit doors with desire and despair in their eyes.
And then there is you. I recognise you at once, just like that. Reluctant, nearly, and somehow uneasy, but excited you stand there not knowing what to do with your hands, for the first time.
I can see your doubts, fears, hopes, and they are the same as mine, lucky me. And at the same time I know that everything is gonna be alright. Just alright.
So I walk up to you and jinx you with my smile. No, of course not. But as soon as I have reached you and you look at me the awkward moment is easily overcome by a hug. Finally! So there is no letting go at first, and there is a lot of ease and relief in it. I can feel that you are happy, as happy as me. We stand there, and all those people around us disappear. It's just you and me in the middle of nowhere, just like always, just like in real time. Later I won't be able to tell how long that hug lasted. I'd prefer to say: for ever.
But there is something else now, and we both feel that, too. We have to get out of here. The crowd returns, and we let go. Now there is embarrassment and a little shyness on both sides.
Then, I sit in the car and can't stop looking, and you smile, proudly.
Next, I don't know how I got inside the house. I really didn't expect us to be alone right now. That's different, no crowd, no city, no land, not even words. Just you and me. It feels like eternally twosome. Another hug, shy this time, less relieving. Rather exciting actually. Tangibly exciting. This fact makes my eyes wet. And more, while we kiss. This goes further than I could have hoped for. The eyes, alright. But the rest is beyond wishful thinking. The touching, kissing, and - that's how I dream it quite often, intense and inspiring.
I'm ever so sorry, but I have a crush on you, I just can't help it. And even if what I know of you is not much, I can still feel it. I can just hope your dreams are alike, and that you feel the same, because it's wonderful.
And dare I hope that you do, and even more, that these dreams will finally come true? Don't they say hope dies last?
P.S. By the way, if it was the other way round, I'd not be standing at the gate, I'd be sitting some place whre I could overlook everything, trying to stay calm, writing something probably.
Then I would spot you walking restrainedly through the gate, looking for me. And you would know what you were looking for, at least a little. So I would get up and walk towards you, smiling. And when you put your bags down to shake hands, I'd be hugging you already.
This would also take quite some time, until the world and the duty to organize things would call us back. Then I'd show you the way to the underground, because I stick to public transport, no jams, no stress.
So you wouldn't see much of the city at frst, except from the short walk through the quarter I live in, from the underground station to the house.
As soon as I'd open the door, my little doggy would shoot outside like a mad woolf probably barking at that strange person I brought along. We'd have to run outside into the yard with her to greet her, 'cause that's what she's used to.
And then I'd show you inside and lead you into my room that I prepare for guests, while I'd sleep on the sofa.
And if we were lucky we'd have the time to find a few more minutes alone before someone would call at the door or on the phone.
In these minutes we'd be standing there, me now really shy, and I'd try to do something, for example showing you the bathroom or the kitchen, but you would stop me and then we'd just kiss.
I'd feel happy and wanted and I'd even dare to let you know that I'm in need of far more attention. And you - you would be happy to please me as it would please you just as well. Sounds like paradise, if you ask me. What a post scriptum!
So I walk a little insecure and pass all those time-consuming security rituals as if I was sedated. And then I'm finally allowed to leave the hall of arrival. I step out at a side entrance because there is a long queue at the usual exit, and one security person has opened up a second gate. I walk around the corner to the other exit while looking at all those people that watch the exit doors with desire and despair in their eyes.
And then there is you. I recognise you at once, just like that. Reluctant, nearly, and somehow uneasy, but excited you stand there not knowing what to do with your hands, for the first time.
I can see your doubts, fears, hopes, and they are the same as mine, lucky me. And at the same time I know that everything is gonna be alright. Just alright.
So I walk up to you and jinx you with my smile. No, of course not. But as soon as I have reached you and you look at me the awkward moment is easily overcome by a hug. Finally! So there is no letting go at first, and there is a lot of ease and relief in it. I can feel that you are happy, as happy as me. We stand there, and all those people around us disappear. It's just you and me in the middle of nowhere, just like always, just like in real time. Later I won't be able to tell how long that hug lasted. I'd prefer to say: for ever.
But there is something else now, and we both feel that, too. We have to get out of here. The crowd returns, and we let go. Now there is embarrassment and a little shyness on both sides.
Then, I sit in the car and can't stop looking, and you smile, proudly.
Next, I don't know how I got inside the house. I really didn't expect us to be alone right now. That's different, no crowd, no city, no land, not even words. Just you and me. It feels like eternally twosome. Another hug, shy this time, less relieving. Rather exciting actually. Tangibly exciting. This fact makes my eyes wet. And more, while we kiss. This goes further than I could have hoped for. The eyes, alright. But the rest is beyond wishful thinking. The touching, kissing, and - that's how I dream it quite often, intense and inspiring.
I'm ever so sorry, but I have a crush on you, I just can't help it. And even if what I know of you is not much, I can still feel it. I can just hope your dreams are alike, and that you feel the same, because it's wonderful.
And dare I hope that you do, and even more, that these dreams will finally come true? Don't they say hope dies last?
P.S. By the way, if it was the other way round, I'd not be standing at the gate, I'd be sitting some place whre I could overlook everything, trying to stay calm, writing something probably.
Then I would spot you walking restrainedly through the gate, looking for me. And you would know what you were looking for, at least a little. So I would get up and walk towards you, smiling. And when you put your bags down to shake hands, I'd be hugging you already.
This would also take quite some time, until the world and the duty to organize things would call us back. Then I'd show you the way to the underground, because I stick to public transport, no jams, no stress.
So you wouldn't see much of the city at frst, except from the short walk through the quarter I live in, from the underground station to the house.
As soon as I'd open the door, my little doggy would shoot outside like a mad woolf probably barking at that strange person I brought along. We'd have to run outside into the yard with her to greet her, 'cause that's what she's used to.
And then I'd show you inside and lead you into my room that I prepare for guests, while I'd sleep on the sofa.
And if we were lucky we'd have the time to find a few more minutes alone before someone would call at the door or on the phone.
In these minutes we'd be standing there, me now really shy, and I'd try to do something, for example showing you the bathroom or the kitchen, but you would stop me and then we'd just kiss.
I'd feel happy and wanted and I'd even dare to let you know that I'm in need of far more attention. And you - you would be happy to please me as it would please you just as well. Sounds like paradise, if you ask me. What a post scriptum!
Friday, April 2. 2010
An Empty Bathroom
I got up and stepped right into the blue box showing a white "we recycle". It was the box where I usually keep my dirty laundry, which was unusually empty this morning because I had pegged out the last load of yesterday's washing before I went to bed. So it was still there the next morning, right next to my bed, the silly box, just like the half-dry laundry on the clotheshorse.
Or would that be semi-dry? I'm not into wine of any taste early in the morning so I better get back to what happened next. I had bruised my big toe, because of the box being empty and no dirty clothes to absorb the shock. The toe became instantly black, and so did my mood.
I limped into the kitchen in order to help myself to some coffee and, while pooring some water into the kettle, I looked at the big analogue time-piece above the fridge. It took me a while to realise what I saw, and by the time that I understood how late it was I had spilled water all over the kettle, which of course was an electronic one. I swore and dried it instantly with a towel, that got stuck to its switch, and all I could do then was putting it down and leave the kitchen. No coffee, brilliant.
Next thing I opened the bathroom door, I meant to say I tried to open it but I found it locked, and now I even heard someone showering in there. How come I wasn't first, shot into my mind before I could answer the question myself: You're late, that's why.
I took a flannel and washed myself as much as possible at the kitchen sink. Then I got into my clothes and sighed. Anything else this morning?
After packing the stuff I need at work (1.1 stone!), I didn't bother to sit down for breakfast. I desperately needed a bite, though, so I gulped some yoghurt down and spilled a spoonful of it onto my black sweater. I swore again and got changed in a hurry (OMG, what to put on?)
The moment I stepped outside I realised I had forgotten to take my keys, all my keys, the car keys and the keys to the flat, and the latter were not only inside my home, they where inside the door lock. So I had to ring the door bell and get someone out of bed or out of the bathroom, after all.
© 2010
Or would that be semi-dry? I'm not into wine of any taste early in the morning so I better get back to what happened next. I had bruised my big toe, because of the box being empty and no dirty clothes to absorb the shock. The toe became instantly black, and so did my mood.
I limped into the kitchen in order to help myself to some coffee and, while pooring some water into the kettle, I looked at the big analogue time-piece above the fridge. It took me a while to realise what I saw, and by the time that I understood how late it was I had spilled water all over the kettle, which of course was an electronic one. I swore and dried it instantly with a towel, that got stuck to its switch, and all I could do then was putting it down and leave the kitchen. No coffee, brilliant.
Next thing I opened the bathroom door, I meant to say I tried to open it but I found it locked, and now I even heard someone showering in there. How come I wasn't first, shot into my mind before I could answer the question myself: You're late, that's why.
I took a flannel and washed myself as much as possible at the kitchen sink. Then I got into my clothes and sighed. Anything else this morning?
After packing the stuff I need at work (1.1 stone!), I didn't bother to sit down for breakfast. I desperately needed a bite, though, so I gulped some yoghurt down and spilled a spoonful of it onto my black sweater. I swore again and got changed in a hurry (OMG, what to put on?)
The moment I stepped outside I realised I had forgotten to take my keys, all my keys, the car keys and the keys to the flat, and the latter were not only inside my home, they where inside the door lock. So I had to ring the door bell and get someone out of bed or out of the bathroom, after all.
© 2010
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